Most of us are exposed to death on a daily basis. Almost every news broadcast includes a story or two about people who have died. The daily newspaper also carries stories, funeral notices and obituaries. Yet most of these deaths do not affect us. However, when someone we care about passes away, we are plunged into a time of deep distress.

When there is no love, there is no grief but when there is much love, there is much grief.

In our society grief-stricken people are expected to swiftly come to terms with their sad loss and get on with their lives soon after the funeral. For those of us who have lost someone close, we know it doesn’t work that way. Our hearts are shattered beyond belief and at times the raw pain is unbearable and unrelenting.

The grief caused by the death of a loved one is called ‘bereavement’. Bereavement is the natural human response to the loss of someone we care about. It causes a person to experience a variety of emotions, many of which are foreign to us. Although bereavement is something we prefer to avoid, it is something that is imposed upon us numerous times throughout our lives with varying levels of intensity depending on our relationship with each person who passes away. For example, the passing of a frail elderly great-uncle is less distressing than losing a beloved spouse, a precious parent or a darling child.

Each person responds to, and journeys through bereavement differently, and that’s okay.

No two people will grieve in the same way, with the same intensity, or for the same length of time. Some people prefer to grieve quietly on their own, while others feel the need to express their pain to many people. Some crave physical touch and need hugs, while others withdraw into solitude. Some people bounce back soon after their loss, while others remain sad for the remainder of their lives.

I promote not only effective ways to sympathetically care for the bereaved as they experience the intensity of grief, but I also provide strategies that can help them embrace their journey through bereavement. 

The passing of a loved one marks a milestone in a person’s life that will dramatically alter the course of their future. This does not mean bereaved people will spend every day for the rest of their lives feeling gloomy and miserable. Take a look around you. There are positive, thriving, healthy, happy people who have somehow managed to find the resilience to carry on even in the aftermath of extreme tragedy and devastating loss. What makes the difference between them and those who have become stuck in debilitating sorrow?

They have found the means to significantly reduce their pain by allowing their broken hearts process (not suppress) the sad loss, thus bringing about a significant level of healing that otherwise would not occur. They have been able to transition from being weighed down with extreme sadness to discovering the resilience to arise out of the depths of despair and embrace the essence of living again.